Why You Should Reconsider How You Eat Apples

Some months, maybe years ago, I discovered a new way to experience one of life's greatest forms of self-nourishment: apples.

We've all seen it: a mostly eaten apple---the skeleton, the core---cast away as naught but the empty shell of its former being. It's as if the core of the apple, its heart and center, is worth nothing to us. I feel that this errant waste has gone on long enough! It is time to awaken the world to my new way to keep the doctor away.

Some years I ago, I once held an apple. I didn't pay it much mind, but I certainly bore it with mild attention. As I took my first bite, however, I found that I had not been intentional in my orientation of the apple. I looked at it, confounded, as the top-most part of my apple gleamed on merrily at me, the stem nowhere to be found. This was the birth of my revelation.

And thus, there are several reasons why I now choose to eat my apples from the top-down.

My primary reason is that I don't produce any waste (besides the obvious). When I'm finished with my apple, there is no core to deal with, and thus I do not find myself with a sticky, wet bio-hazard (flu season, what can I say?) in hand. Instead, I find myself a tad more full, an extra three bites of apple in my belly, with hands ready for life's next big adventure.

The second reason is that as I eat the apple, it remains a stable, free-standing body. As one eats an apple from the top down, it is rendered more stable by distributing the mass parallel the ground, as opposed to in a more vertical arrangement. In this shape and orientation, the apple can rest upon its belly-button like base more easily, as well as offering a wider possible gripping area for minimizing finger sticky-ness.

I can hear your calls of disdain towards this idea now: "But the core just tastes so. . . .blech!" Fair enough. In all honesty, the core does, by itself, have a somewhat unpleasant texture and flavor for some. This, I can acknowledge. However, a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, as they say. When one eats an apple from the top down, the core's qualities are diluted by the volume of apple-goodness surrounding it, and it passes unnoticed. The seeds sometimes affect the experience, but one can easily ignore or remove them before consumption.

The final reason I prefer this method is evident in the essence of this essay: one finally has a reason to talk about apple consumption in a revolutionary, applicable sense. Had I not one day discovered this fantastic farce in defecation, I would never have had such a wonderful venue from which to present these ideas to you. Always once can find a venue for sharing that which is important to them.

And thus, I hope that you find yourself one day, apple in hand, pondering where to take your first bite. Feel free, of course, to take the first and last bite in the side of your apple. Please, as you wish. But if you want to take that first step into the unknown, take that first step in to a life where you control life's most important decisions. . .take it from the top. Try a new thang on for size. Take a bite into the roots, the core, of your actions, and craft your life into form. . .one apple at a time.